Bend in the road

Once again, months have passed since I have written but I am documenting another big event so here goes: today D was officially diagnosed with Cushings Disease or PPID. I have a lot to learn about this disease but as I understand it- his pituitary gland is impacted which affects his endocrine system.
I first noticed something was wrong when I brought D in and he was breathing very hard, similar to when a dog pants. Horses cool down similar to humans and since he wasn't sweaty either, this was a concern. He cooled right down and began breathing normally once he had been hosed down.

Obviously, this is not normal breathing. D lives outside 24/7 and he loves it. He is also not new to the southern heat.  But after having a normal shed- out his coat had grown back in. So once cooled down the first task was body clipping which he thought was fantastic!! I'm so thankful for my barn family and the way they come around me and assist me in caring for my boy. I have now body clipped a horse, too. :)

Gracie, so graciously lent me her time and expertise on my VERY hairy and dirty horse. 

Grace and Vivienne, also gave of their time and expertise,  clean up my clipping job and clip his legs. 

D had/ has been leaking pee for a bit. He had a urine infection two summers ago so this wasn't a huge concern at first since I'd been told that it might happen.
All of D's symptoms (heavy breathing, heavy coat, leaking urine) seemed unrelated but after a vet visit. I learned that they could all be related which was rather comforting. After a thorough check-up our vet drew blood to run tests. The good news? D was totally healthy. The bad news? He is positive for cushings disease.
I am grateful for a diagnosis especially since D is often a puzzle and it seems that cushings has a pretty straightforward treatment.  I am hopeful we can get back to normal soon. Although, I'm not sure I would've been riding in this heat anyways.
Since it has been extremely hot lately we spend time by the fan during the heat of the day and learn more and more about horses and the complications they present. ;)

He LOVES the fan! 

Sweet Seventeen

     Today Demetrias is officially 17 years old. We are currently spending our rides at the walk again. This time it is for me. Right before Christmas D bucked me off, badly and my back is still recovering from that, almost six weeks later... ugh!! Anyways, we do a lot of different things while walking and it gives me time to reflect.
     D is doing a lot better. We had a really awesome summer of just really working on our transitions and controlling our energy and staying balanced. It was a hot summer but we had some great workouts.
     We have moved into cooler weather and usually D is wonderful during this time because he doesn't have any bugs to contend with. Instead, this has been a spunkier time but still good. He loves being outside and has done really well.
      So, he is 17 today. We have been together for 8 years. He has been blind for 7 of those. The strain is still there, still trying to pay off debt, still trying to make ends meet... but he tilts his head and holds his own and there's still something to learn.
               Happy Birthday Demetrias Brother- may this be your best year yet!!!

The work of waiting

     
     I was reading a book to my students the other day and the chapter was entitled "The Work of Breathing" and it really caught my attention. Breathing, we don't think about it at all, when it will happen or how it will happen, it just happens, we breathe. The only time I really think about breathing and where the next breath will come from is when I am sick and breathing becomes work.

     In my last post I was freaking out. Life and debt were overwhelming me and my dear boy had become super awful and it was just a little. too. much...

     However, I am surrounded by amazing people, who listened and let me cry and allowed me to process my panic and come to the realization that we would be okay.

     Demetrias has transitioned to 24/7 in the pasture amazingly well. He loves it, in fact. Here I thought I was doing him a favor letting him have stall time. He is on a thiamin supplement, (B1) and that has changed our life. He is settled enough to listen and if he is listening we can do anything.

     In short, I have my horse back. We are riding. We are cantering. I have my horse back.

I am still praying (and waiting) for that someone who would like to ride him (on -site lease) because he still has a lot of energy, a lot of skill and teaching to offer and I still have a full time job.. but D and I are a team and that team has not seen it's last day.

      So, we wait... the work of waiting...

    D is there in the background, can you see him? What an appropriate picture a friend sent me!!!

The end???

       I have been riding for most of my life. I strongly believe in the saying "give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world." Those shoes would be made of iron and worn by a creature of the 4-legged variety. Through horses I learned discipline, hard work, the never ending supply of poop a living being creates and the scarcity of money.
     I've been riding horses for the vast majority of my life. It's what I do, it's what I've always done. And for most of my life horses and riding have provided unbelievable joy, adventures, an escape, a place to release stress and a way to exercise since goodness knows I won't go to the gym.
     If you know me for any period of time you know I ride and that currently I ride a horse who is completely blind. If you ask me how that goes I'll answer that it depends on the day and I completely mean that. Sometimes my horse is with me, other days he is... well honestly I have no idea where he goes.
       Demetrias came to the barn where I was riding in January of 2009 and by March he was mine. In retrospect, I have no idea why I thought a 9 year old thoroughbred was the right buy for me, but what can I say? He has the sweetest personality.
     A month later he had a flare up in his eyes and I was told it was allergies. Chronic uveitis comes and goes, each time it comes back it is worse until it just stays. In true uveitis fashion it went away until it came back to stay. Demetrias' stayed a year later.
       March 2010 D ran into a tree branch and needed stitches in the corner of his eye. The cloudiness had returned to his eyes and I was concerned but I was hoping it was just allergies again. New vet came to the barn and she confirmed that the cloudiness was a pretty big problem. NC State confirmed the diagnosis of chronic uveitis in May and that should've been the end. Instead I took my horse to a university hospital and he got a medicine implant above his right eye.
     In the 20/20 vision that comes from looking back, that is where the journey with Demetrias should have ended. He was going blind, this was unavoidable and there was little to nothing that I could do to prevent it, I should just put him down.
      We spent a year at the walk because that is all he could do and since I didn't want to walk beside him I rode. In hindsight this probably saved our butt since I don't know if I would've gotten back on him otherwise. I figured out how to get a blind horse to longe and fell off a lot!! D is the kind of horse who flips out, bucks you off, runs aways and then comes back to see what's wrong. It was a blessing when he finally couldn't see anything. He still makes up monsters but less often.
     D has put me in the position of making tough decisions for him. He sand colicked (sp?) in August  2013, he got a bladder infection in June of 2015- didn't even know horses got those. Each time getting a prognosis that didn't necessarily see him pulling out. There's that moment of not wanting to say goodbye but a lot of confusion when many vet bills later, he once again pulls through.
     As I stand here now facing the decisions in front of me I wish that was the decision I  made. But I didn't. I started treatment for D and  7 years later, a mountain of debt and heartache later, here we are, at this crossroad.
     D is attempting to live in the pasture 24/7- he was protesting when I left tonight but that has more to do with missing his friend I think. He is prone to abscesses if his feet aren't picked out regularly and weekly koppertox keeps his feet firm. D is currently on thiamin to keep him calm- so that he stays focused when under saddle, has front shoes and is a good patient although if you give him wormer he will not take a treat from you for a day.
     From the outside looking in he looks like any other horse. You will notice he has a slight tilt to his head, that his rider talks to him a lot and on some days, that he talks a lot. For the most part though, he carries himself very confidently which is both a blessing and a curse.
    D is capable, rideable and has a lot to offer on the flat. He is high spirited and requires an experienced rider. He is sweet. D has had excellent care for the last 7 years and that care has put me into some pretty intense financial situations.
     I am at a crossroads. Once again, D is counting on me to make a decision that is, well, pretty hard. If there is someone who wants to love and ride him and help share the financial burden, that would be great. D could do with a lot of rides, is there a rider out there??... otherwise... well, I'll decide that later....

                                                      D and his pasture buddy Diez :)

Crazy summer times!

It has been quite awhile since my last post and a lot has happened. As someone who likes to read and write it's rather funny to me that blogging isn't something I stick with a bit better. Anyways, it has been a rather weird summer for D and I. He started off June 2015 with a bang (and of course I was still in school) teaching me that horses can, in fact, get bladder infections- I did not know that!! We went the "cheaper" route which was not cheap, by the way, but long story short- his pee cleared and he did start urinating which was the goal.

In May D and Juli participated in a show at the stables and he was a trooper. He handled the day completely opposite of how I expected (typical) and his two classes like a pro. Juli stuck with walk/ trot just because we weren't certain what he would do and he probably would've been fine with canter. 

A few weeks after dealing with the bladder infection D had another abscess flare up. In January he had a really bad abscess in his back left foot (first picture below). Ever since then he can't seem to completely heal/dry up his frogs. I try to make sure his feet are picked out at least every other day and it seems he flares after I've been out of town. I put koppertox on his feet a minimum of once a week to attempt to dry them up. Not really sure why his feet are struggling since it hasn't been that much wetter than normal. The guess is that since he is blind he isn't kicking debris out of his feet as a "normal" horse would. It's anybody's guess at this point. The abscess this time was back right foot and since he's been touchy with his right front he felt extremely off quite quickly. I have learned a lot about poultice and ichthamol and have gotten pretty good with vet wrap and making a wrap with gorilla tape so he was taped up pretty quickly and it came out in about 3 days. Our farrier (Shearer) is fantastic as well coming out to check on him and answers all of my crazy questions. 

This is when most of the abscess was out (left foot)

He is so patient!! :)

It has been a VERY HOT summer so not being able to ride has been frustrating but not as big of a deal as it could be. Riding D continues to be a challenge since his balance is terrible but his confidence is high. It feels like I am sitting on explosives most of the time I attempt to ride and just like explosives his listening isn't always so great. 

As always ,I continue to monitor and adjust and do my best to care for D. The amount of issues of late are a concern and so we shall see how he does as fall comes. (Thank goodness!)

D and his best buddy 

This photo was taken last fall by Ellen- we have found a beautiful place for D!! 

Time

D and I are one week short of a year at Scott Hills. What a quick year it has been. D has filled out nicely and loves his home. He acts like a moron from time to time but has never seemed nervous about our change in location which has helped me tremendously. His eyes continue to change in ways I don't understand at all but he is a pain to ride so I am under the impression he feels great still...
Currently he has super sore heels due to the weather/ humidity or whatever so today we walked for 20 minutes. A lot of this walking brings me back to nearly 4 years ago when we spent an entire year just walking.
When D stays at the walk I can feel exactly if he is shuffling or short stepping and I feel the minute his hips loosen which lately happens a bit faster. Due to the heat a shorter walk is what we did today and I avoided the trails trying to give preference to his sore feet.
I am looking forward to cooler days and less bugs and hopefully rides that include a few different gaits.

D loves his window

I love the sentiment behind this!

D's right eye has started to get strange... this is the one with  that had the medicine implant above it. 

Right eye again... didn't get a good shot of the left

What "eye" see

It is amazing how quickly time passes by. It has been a hot summer full of riding. I returned from traveling (D enjoyed attention from Liz) and jumped into riding him 5-6 days a week. We are only handling the heat for 30 minutes tops (or maybe thats just me) but it has been consistent and sometimes, even decent. :)
Wednesday we rode into the field and I was able to stay on him for 3/4 of the way before his confidence kicked in and made me hop off. I have become very attentive to the cues my horse gives me. I think the fact that he is so confident is a good thing, I do, but it would be nice to just wander on a trail without having to completely direct him AND keep him off the forehand. It would be worse if he never wanted to move forward but still, balance in this would be a bit easier.
D's eyes have been changing a lot lately... his right eye had the medicine implant over it and now since the meds have worn off his eye is progressing. One of the girls at the barn noted how pretty it was despite the cloudiness and cataracts. Currently he seems to be pain free, which is a blessing.

This post in a bunch of wandering thoughts, I know... but it has been a busy summer with a horse who is full of himself no matter the heat or the color of his eyes.

Left eye

Left again 

Right eye

Better pictures coming soon- quite hard to get, actually