Bend in the road

Once again, months have passed since I have written but I am documenting another big event so here goes: today D was officially diagnosed with Cushings Disease or PPID. I have a lot to learn about this disease but as I understand it- his pituitary gland is impacted which affects his endocrine system.
I first noticed something was wrong when I brought D in and he was breathing very hard, similar to when a dog pants. Horses cool down similar to humans and since he wasn't sweaty either, this was a concern. He cooled right down and began breathing normally once he had been hosed down.

Obviously, this is not normal breathing. D lives outside 24/7 and he loves it. He is also not new to the southern heat.  But after having a normal shed- out his coat had grown back in. So once cooled down the first task was body clipping which he thought was fantastic!! I'm so thankful for my barn family and the way they come around me and assist me in caring for my boy. I have now body clipped a horse, too. :)

Gracie, so graciously lent me her time and expertise on my VERY hairy and dirty horse. 

Grace and Vivienne, also gave of their time and expertise,  clean up my clipping job and clip his legs. 

D had/ has been leaking pee for a bit. He had a urine infection two summers ago so this wasn't a huge concern at first since I'd been told that it might happen.
All of D's symptoms (heavy breathing, heavy coat, leaking urine) seemed unrelated but after a vet visit. I learned that they could all be related which was rather comforting. After a thorough check-up our vet drew blood to run tests. The good news? D was totally healthy. The bad news? He is positive for cushings disease.
I am grateful for a diagnosis especially since D is often a puzzle and it seems that cushings has a pretty straightforward treatment.  I am hopeful we can get back to normal soon. Although, I'm not sure I would've been riding in this heat anyways.
Since it has been extremely hot lately we spend time by the fan during the heat of the day and learn more and more about horses and the complications they present. ;)

He LOVES the fan! 

Sweet Seventeen

     Today Demetrias is officially 17 years old. We are currently spending our rides at the walk again. This time it is for me. Right before Christmas D bucked me off, badly and my back is still recovering from that, almost six weeks later... ugh!! Anyways, we do a lot of different things while walking and it gives me time to reflect.
     D is doing a lot better. We had a really awesome summer of just really working on our transitions and controlling our energy and staying balanced. It was a hot summer but we had some great workouts.
     We have moved into cooler weather and usually D is wonderful during this time because he doesn't have any bugs to contend with. Instead, this has been a spunkier time but still good. He loves being outside and has done really well.
      So, he is 17 today. We have been together for 8 years. He has been blind for 7 of those. The strain is still there, still trying to pay off debt, still trying to make ends meet... but he tilts his head and holds his own and there's still something to learn.
               Happy Birthday Demetrias Brother- may this be your best year yet!!!

The work of waiting

     
     I was reading a book to my students the other day and the chapter was entitled "The Work of Breathing" and it really caught my attention. Breathing, we don't think about it at all, when it will happen or how it will happen, it just happens, we breathe. The only time I really think about breathing and where the next breath will come from is when I am sick and breathing becomes work.

     In my last post I was freaking out. Life and debt were overwhelming me and my dear boy had become super awful and it was just a little. too. much...

     However, I am surrounded by amazing people, who listened and let me cry and allowed me to process my panic and come to the realization that we would be okay.

     Demetrias has transitioned to 24/7 in the pasture amazingly well. He loves it, in fact. Here I thought I was doing him a favor letting him have stall time. He is on a thiamin supplement, (B1) and that has changed our life. He is settled enough to listen and if he is listening we can do anything.

     In short, I have my horse back. We are riding. We are cantering. I have my horse back.

I am still praying (and waiting) for that someone who would like to ride him (on -site lease) because he still has a lot of energy, a lot of skill and teaching to offer and I still have a full time job.. but D and I are a team and that team has not seen it's last day.

      So, we wait... the work of waiting...

    D is there in the background, can you see him? What an appropriate picture a friend sent me!!!

The end???

       I have been riding for most of my life. I strongly believe in the saying "give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world." Those shoes would be made of iron and worn by a creature of the 4-legged variety. Through horses I learned discipline, hard work, the never ending supply of poop a living being creates and the scarcity of money.
     I've been riding horses for the vast majority of my life. It's what I do, it's what I've always done. And for most of my life horses and riding have provided unbelievable joy, adventures, an escape, a place to release stress and a way to exercise since goodness knows I won't go to the gym.
     If you know me for any period of time you know I ride and that currently I ride a horse who is completely blind. If you ask me how that goes I'll answer that it depends on the day and I completely mean that. Sometimes my horse is with me, other days he is... well honestly I have no idea where he goes.
       Demetrias came to the barn where I was riding in January of 2009 and by March he was mine. In retrospect, I have no idea why I thought a 9 year old thoroughbred was the right buy for me, but what can I say? He has the sweetest personality.
     A month later he had a flare up in his eyes and I was told it was allergies. Chronic uveitis comes and goes, each time it comes back it is worse until it just stays. In true uveitis fashion it went away until it came back to stay. Demetrias' stayed a year later.
       March 2010 D ran into a tree branch and needed stitches in the corner of his eye. The cloudiness had returned to his eyes and I was concerned but I was hoping it was just allergies again. New vet came to the barn and she confirmed that the cloudiness was a pretty big problem. NC State confirmed the diagnosis of chronic uveitis in May and that should've been the end. Instead I took my horse to a university hospital and he got a medicine implant above his right eye.
     In the 20/20 vision that comes from looking back, that is where the journey with Demetrias should have ended. He was going blind, this was unavoidable and there was little to nothing that I could do to prevent it, I should just put him down.
      We spent a year at the walk because that is all he could do and since I didn't want to walk beside him I rode. In hindsight this probably saved our butt since I don't know if I would've gotten back on him otherwise. I figured out how to get a blind horse to longe and fell off a lot!! D is the kind of horse who flips out, bucks you off, runs aways and then comes back to see what's wrong. It was a blessing when he finally couldn't see anything. He still makes up monsters but less often.
     D has put me in the position of making tough decisions for him. He sand colicked (sp?) in August  2013, he got a bladder infection in June of 2015- didn't even know horses got those. Each time getting a prognosis that didn't necessarily see him pulling out. There's that moment of not wanting to say goodbye but a lot of confusion when many vet bills later, he once again pulls through.
     As I stand here now facing the decisions in front of me I wish that was the decision I  made. But I didn't. I started treatment for D and  7 years later, a mountain of debt and heartache later, here we are, at this crossroad.
     D is attempting to live in the pasture 24/7- he was protesting when I left tonight but that has more to do with missing his friend I think. He is prone to abscesses if his feet aren't picked out regularly and weekly koppertox keeps his feet firm. D is currently on thiamin to keep him calm- so that he stays focused when under saddle, has front shoes and is a good patient although if you give him wormer he will not take a treat from you for a day.
     From the outside looking in he looks like any other horse. You will notice he has a slight tilt to his head, that his rider talks to him a lot and on some days, that he talks a lot. For the most part though, he carries himself very confidently which is both a blessing and a curse.
    D is capable, rideable and has a lot to offer on the flat. He is high spirited and requires an experienced rider. He is sweet. D has had excellent care for the last 7 years and that care has put me into some pretty intense financial situations.
     I am at a crossroads. Once again, D is counting on me to make a decision that is, well, pretty hard. If there is someone who wants to love and ride him and help share the financial burden, that would be great. D could do with a lot of rides, is there a rider out there??... otherwise... well, I'll decide that later....

                                                      D and his pasture buddy Diez :)

Crazy summer times!

It has been quite awhile since my last post and a lot has happened. As someone who likes to read and write it's rather funny to me that blogging isn't something I stick with a bit better. Anyways, it has been a rather weird summer for D and I. He started off June 2015 with a bang (and of course I was still in school) teaching me that horses can, in fact, get bladder infections- I did not know that!! We went the "cheaper" route which was not cheap, by the way, but long story short- his pee cleared and he did start urinating which was the goal.

In May D and Juli participated in a show at the stables and he was a trooper. He handled the day completely opposite of how I expected (typical) and his two classes like a pro. Juli stuck with walk/ trot just because we weren't certain what he would do and he probably would've been fine with canter. 

A few weeks after dealing with the bladder infection D had another abscess flare up. In January he had a really bad abscess in his back left foot (first picture below). Ever since then he can't seem to completely heal/dry up his frogs. I try to make sure his feet are picked out at least every other day and it seems he flares after I've been out of town. I put koppertox on his feet a minimum of once a week to attempt to dry them up. Not really sure why his feet are struggling since it hasn't been that much wetter than normal. The guess is that since he is blind he isn't kicking debris out of his feet as a "normal" horse would. It's anybody's guess at this point. The abscess this time was back right foot and since he's been touchy with his right front he felt extremely off quite quickly. I have learned a lot about poultice and ichthamol and have gotten pretty good with vet wrap and making a wrap with gorilla tape so he was taped up pretty quickly and it came out in about 3 days. Our farrier (Shearer) is fantastic as well coming out to check on him and answers all of my crazy questions. 

This is when most of the abscess was out (left foot)

He is so patient!! :)

It has been a VERY HOT summer so not being able to ride has been frustrating but not as big of a deal as it could be. Riding D continues to be a challenge since his balance is terrible but his confidence is high. It feels like I am sitting on explosives most of the time I attempt to ride and just like explosives his listening isn't always so great. 

As always ,I continue to monitor and adjust and do my best to care for D. The amount of issues of late are a concern and so we shall see how he does as fall comes. (Thank goodness!)

D and his best buddy 

This photo was taken last fall by Ellen- we have found a beautiful place for D!! 

Time

D and I are one week short of a year at Scott Hills. What a quick year it has been. D has filled out nicely and loves his home. He acts like a moron from time to time but has never seemed nervous about our change in location which has helped me tremendously. His eyes continue to change in ways I don't understand at all but he is a pain to ride so I am under the impression he feels great still...
Currently he has super sore heels due to the weather/ humidity or whatever so today we walked for 20 minutes. A lot of this walking brings me back to nearly 4 years ago when we spent an entire year just walking.
When D stays at the walk I can feel exactly if he is shuffling or short stepping and I feel the minute his hips loosen which lately happens a bit faster. Due to the heat a shorter walk is what we did today and I avoided the trails trying to give preference to his sore feet.
I am looking forward to cooler days and less bugs and hopefully rides that include a few different gaits.

D loves his window

I love the sentiment behind this!

D's right eye has started to get strange... this is the one with  that had the medicine implant above it. 

Right eye again... didn't get a good shot of the left

What "eye" see

It is amazing how quickly time passes by. It has been a hot summer full of riding. I returned from traveling (D enjoyed attention from Liz) and jumped into riding him 5-6 days a week. We are only handling the heat for 30 minutes tops (or maybe thats just me) but it has been consistent and sometimes, even decent. :)
Wednesday we rode into the field and I was able to stay on him for 3/4 of the way before his confidence kicked in and made me hop off. I have become very attentive to the cues my horse gives me. I think the fact that he is so confident is a good thing, I do, but it would be nice to just wander on a trail without having to completely direct him AND keep him off the forehand. It would be worse if he never wanted to move forward but still, balance in this would be a bit easier.
D's eyes have been changing a lot lately... his right eye had the medicine implant over it and now since the meds have worn off his eye is progressing. One of the girls at the barn noted how pretty it was despite the cloudiness and cataracts. Currently he seems to be pain free, which is a blessing.

This post in a bunch of wandering thoughts, I know... but it has been a busy summer with a horse who is full of himself no matter the heat or the color of his eyes.

Left eye

Left again 

Right eye

Better pictures coming soon- quite hard to get, actually 

Can you hear me now?

My horse whinnies all the time now. I really wish I knew why. I mean I get that he is completely lost in space but where did this vocal horse come from? He NEVER did this before he lost his sight.

I used to think he was complaining since it happened a lot when we were working and he wasn't being the most compliant... but he does it at a loose walk, when he seems to be happy with work, even when I'm on the ground beside him.

This week he started doing this like "hrmphing" type sound and blowing out all big and bad while whinnying but his pace never changed... he continued to trot the circle with even a bit of a correct bend to the inside. It absolutely boggles my brain.

It bugs me because it is loud, his whole body shakes and it means he isn't listening to me... I am an attention hog when I am on his back, I want all of his.

I have been working hard to manage D's energy. With the return of his weight, his energy has also escalated. I keep thinking the super muggy weather will help me but no such luck as of yet. I am still hopeful that someone will appear wanting to half lease which would be a 2 -part blessing. He will get attention from our buddy Liz this summer which will help with energy but she has her own horse. I love the reminder of watching someone else get on him and see that he is quite rideable.

We have been working to extend where D can go without getting too excited. He is pretty good about walking around the property and I haven't had to cue him nearly as much. Last week we rode while several machines were moving dirt around and he was relatively focused although still very chatty. He has a buddy in the field and in general is adapting just like any other horse...

He is a happy, chatty camper making sure he can be heard and for that I am grateful.

Photo Op

Yesterday a few of the girls were taking pictures and I was the only one foolish enough to be riding in the 30 degree weather. However, its always fun to get pictures of you and your horse :) So here are a few for perusing. He is, slowly, gaining weight. :)

Happy New Year everyone!!

Settling in

D has been at our new home SHEC (Scott Hills Equestrian Center) for 3 months now. D is happy and putting on weight. He is now in a stall and despite the field being easier on my pocketbook its been good for him to have a place to chill out and lay down.
I have been adjusting to the cold weather energy that D always gets. He has been polite in telling me when he has too much for me to work through. He constantly reminds me that there can be no ego in riding- ever. Often times D and I just walk for 30 minutes because that is all he can concentrate on.
Dark nights are not an issue for us but blustery wind still is :)
I have been thinking a lot of how Demetrias and I became a team. Being at a new barn I have shared our tale a lot lately. Sometimes being his person is hard. He gives me a lot of things to process through and decisions to make. If he had been my first horse I never would've gotten a second one, seriously. But here are the things I have learned as we approach our fifth year together:
1. Your eyes are not what you see with but your heart
2. Bravery happens in baby steps
3. The desire to succeed and live over comes everything.
4. Listening to your horse's body language is vital
5. Sometimes you just need to hang out and graze
6. TLC is the best medicine
7. Vets and blood work are not the final answer
8. Fly masks and spray save lives :)
9. There isn't much that can't be accomplished when a treat is involved.
10. D is not the horse I signed up for but he is exactly the one I was meant to have.

            Merry Christmas everyone!! May we all be grateful for the blessings we have. 

Change of Address

This post finds D and I residents (well D is) of Scott Hills Equestrian Center in Pendleton. The beginning of August D had a bout with sand colic and the major recommendation was to get him on grass. After some researching and reaching out to a friend with a blind horse we found Scott Hills- 61 acres of grass owned and run by Chrissy.
I stopped out after school one day to see if the distance was do-able and how the place would work for D and I.
In a word it was perfect. Rolling hills, pasture and people already aware of the needs of a blind horse.

On September 15 D loaded without a hitch and within the next few hours was out with new friends incredibly alert but relaxed and munching on grass and hay as he chose.
I have been incredibly impressed with how D has transitioned. He has taken the noises and new spaces in stride and while he may have days of crazy whinnying he has settled into nearly everything I have asked. I have been super impressed.

By Tuesday of our first week I was riding and we have settled into our new place. I am able to stop there on my way home from school and am slowly learning the names and faces of both the people and horses. D and I work about 3 times a week and he is out 24/7.  I am incredibly grateful for this place-D needed to be out on grass and now he is able. He has 2 other horses with him in his pasture. Sampson, who is blind and Sampson's buddy, Rooster who is mostly retired. They are quiet and D seems happy.

D is recovering from a few "war" wounds and a leg that most likely got kicked. So we have spent some time walking and stretching him out. Saturday we were able to trot as normal and canter a bit. We were a bit unbalanced due to stiffness but not bad otherwise. Our new adventure is starting to walk around all the property. I am looking forward to being able to ride in the fields a bit and out of the ring.
So that's it- our October update, we just keep enjoying each other's company and moving forward the best we can.

August Daze

It has been a rather strange month. Last week, D started acting strange while laying down. He is a napper so it was hard to tell if there was an issue. Eventually it became apparent that there was indeed a problem. Despite our best efforts a vet was not to be had until the next day. Kim and I did our best and he rallied and made it through the night.
As far as we know he had a very minor sand colic, or gas block or ulcer issue or.... we really have no idea but with a lot a care and Kim's expertise D seems to be on the mend.

Almost a week later we cantered over a pole!!! WHAT??

Emotionally it has been a roller coaster, I thought we were to that point where our time was up. D has essentially been living on borrowed time the last three years and for all I knew we were at the end.

But once again my horse teaches me. Despite pain and discomfort he handles any change happily. Rather than turning his nose up when his food was doused in water. D happily slurped up his "soup." His greatest concern when being tubed was not the actual tube going through his nostril but the chain around his muzzle, so I didn't use it.

D is fully blind but has adjusted. He can graze in a yard with very temporary tape blocking him off, but he respects it. He waits patiently for his next small meal (back to normal now).
He adjusts to whatever situation he is in. He waits because he only has enough light for the step he is on. I need to remember this.
He trusts not just because he has no other choice, there is always another choice but because we have never failed him yet. He could be a frantic and a bully, hard to handle but instead he thinks he is a lap dog and would like you to just talk to him and pet his nose.

Once again, life lessons from my horse who is a true example of taking life as it comes and resting in the outcome.

Summer Sweating

What a hot and terribly rainy summer. D has gotten super calm in the midst of thunderstorms which is pretty cool actually.

To make up for the tardiness of my posts I will try to make this post count.

Demetrias has been doing well. He still has not completely shed out and it is indeed the middle of July. I am not sure why this is happening and can only guess. He dropped his entire coat the beginning of January right after we started a fat supplement. The assumption was that he had gotten too hot.

The idea now that he isn't dropping everything is that his seasons are just rather mixed up... his eyes are blocked up with cataracts and some sites say that part of how horses know to shed is by the amount of light that soaks in through the eyes. Obviously it is hot but apparently that isn't the only trigger- puzzling.

We went through a rather rough patch riding but seem to be on an upswing currently. I'm sure that will change now that I have written this...

We are cantering and working on downward transitions even including a pole or two. Despite him feeling unbalanced he has focused enough for us to be able to complete these tasks very well.

The baffling thing about uveitis is the shape of my horse's body. His hind end appears to be sunken. He isn't showing a lot of ribs and is happy as a clam but his body looks like that of an older horse while his face is quite young.

I wish there was more information out there about the impact this disease has on a horse as they progress but for now its one day at a time. He is happy and working to the best of his ability. I am blessed.

Lesson from Teo

I know, another blog post already?! Well, the other day I rode one of the Kim's horses in order to improve my outlook and just get another perspective. D and I were doing really well and then we hit a pretty rough patch which I'm glad to say was much better yesterday. But, back to Teo. Teo is a Dutch Warmblood school master that Kim has had for about 6 months or so I'd say. I always feel like I have barely enough time to work my horse let alone get on another horse, but I think I will make sure I ride a different horse in Wednesday night lessons at least once a month. 

In order to ride Teo well I had to relax my seat, loosen my reins and drive more from the legs. I also had to trust him, as is important in all riding but sometimes you forget when nothing is working. Teo and I cantered and jumped and just had fun although I'm not sure there was anything awesome to write home about my jumping, technique its been about a year since I've jumped. Teo is unbalanced and can get quick just like D. I needed the reminder that our challenges are not blind challenges but riding challenges. 

Yesterday when I got on D I relaxed my seat and loosened my reins and I reminded myself that for better or worse we are a team. He was still quick and unbalanced but he listened better and we managed to have a fairly successful ride. Yay!

In other news, he is not shedding his coat. I researched blind horses and shedding but came up with nothing but Kim read that some of it has to do with the amount of light absorbed through the eyes. D is obviously not getting any, so we shall see... 

Spring Fever

Back in February my post was all about the common place cantering D and I were doing and yes, he does still canter but we're having to go back to basics a bit as well. D has some pretty severe spring fever currently at least that's what I am going to call it. We are back to bucking and calling out which never works well with balance and I have resorted to working over poles just to get his attention. His answer to that is to get fast and pull so we do a lot more transitions.
On Tuesday D started bucking and we were too close to the bank in the dressage ring and he lost his balance and then tripped over the poles that were on the side and essentially we both fell. I have really no idea what happened or what I should have done differently. Kim, however got a front row seat, and her take away from it was that the way he went down was impressive in that its the first one since we've known he is blind and actually its only the second time he has fallen with me (the first one was over a jump). The other thing she liked was that he made it very easy for me to get off by the time he went down. To his credit once he goes down he stops and waits for direction. Too bad he didn't think of that that beforehand, huh?
So at the moment I am not loving riding D because we have gone backwards in my mind. But if I get my mind and ideas out of it I just dial it back. I work with him on transitions at the walk and we work slowly over poles and we don't go beyond a trot until he can handle it in a sensible way. I have a hard time just seeing the bad rides as just that, bad rides and he'll come back and get it together. I start freaking out that I have lost him and this is how it will be forever, which is irrational. D is a 13 year old thoroughbred and yes he is growing up and for awhile became the trusty old man. I had the audacity to say I was getting a bit "bored" because he was becoming complacent. What I meant was I wanted to try new things and wanted to be able to use his new willing, cooperativeness to grow. Instead, D has decided to get creative. He is a horse and he is young and he is dealing with a lot of things that are not normal. I have no plans to show, I have no plans as of right now to jump, so honestly, we have time. Time to re-calibrate his brain. Time to get his right lead to bend a bit better. Time to remind him that leaning on my hands is unhelpful. Time to remind him that using his hind end to create impulsion is so much more helpful than just being on the forehand. We have time right now and that is a luxury that not everyone has and so we will continue to ride... blind.

How we roll

Today in the ring Kim made the comment, "we're Bramblewood, even the blind horse canters." True! Then Rachel chimed in with, "That's just how we roll." Probably more hilarious if you were there but the events of the ring, D cantering that is, are starting to be come common place and it is so weird. My fully blind horse has been cantering for several weeks now and its just what we do now. I call it our new trick but really its not even that. D picks up his canter from a walk, most often on the right lead and gives me the most beautiful and relaxed canter ever. His consistency at the canter is quite amazing. He is calm and rhythmic and because of that I am able to guide and balance him without worrying about a rodeo scene. I have no false notions that this will never happen, he is a horse after all, but his steadiness has brought us into the common 3 gait workouts.

I have not consistently cantered a horse in nearly two years and so my body has had to adjust but it has been awesome. I am not really sure what changed but D and I have reached a really different place. He is ridden about three days a week and I am there a fourth which is not a ton for a 13 year old thoroughbred but its all I can manage with work. D has coped and flourished under our schedule and I find myself tacking my horse up and having fairly successful rides even when he has been off for 2-3 days. Its amazing!! I feel like we have scaled a super huge mountain. Most of the mountain I am sure was in my head. I have never given up on D, Kim pointed that out today and its true but I have had many moments where I have felt like what I was attempting was dumb but now I feel I've been given back my horse.

He has another cut on his leg, this time the the inside left front leg but he made it through a lot of storms without much incidence and its not as bad as what he has done in the past and his tolerance of me cleaning it has grown. I am under no delusion that we are out of the woods. And life with a blind horse is never easy. But the strides of the last few weeks have made me feel there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

So much of riding is letting go of ego and remembering that the horse you are working with is full of its own fears and deficiencies and unless you are ready to understand his and somehow fit yours with what he is able to give you, the ride is going to be one of battle rather than teamwork. I had a moment today when I saw D's leg and I got bummed because I so wanted to ride. He ended up being fine to ride but had he been lame, then the plans for the day adjust. He and I work the best together and that seems to have finally gotten into both of our heads.

We did it! We did it!!

A month has gone by since my last post and many events have transpired however the biggest one took place just last night.
D has been back in work for a little over a year now. He had nearly a year off of real work and we spent a lot of time just wandering and getting to really know each other. Its amazing what you can do at the walk.
Last night, for the first time since his diagnosis nearly two years ago we cantered the entire ring. Both ways. Without any fits or bucking or switching to the forehand. We have NEVER done that, even when he was sighted. He cantered the full circle, both ways, more than once.
No bucking. No falling apart in the corners. No pulling to go faster. Almost perfectly balanced. We. Just. Cantered.

It was unbelievable to me and it was hard to keep from crying.

So often being D's caregiver, his eyes, his voice, etc... is the most daunting task I face including middle schoolers who sadly need someone with more skill in discipline.
 I have no idea what I am supposed to do, what he needs and often I completely doubt my ability to care for him. To ride him. To keep him.

I have ridden for a long time but that doesn't mean I am accomplished or good by any means, I just have a lot of miles under my seat and the scars of flying through the air... a lot.

But there are those rare moments when your horse, who can't see a thing and randomly sheds his entire winter coat in January (another exciting event, still figuring that one out) or is bossy or won't stop whinnying when we are working in an empty ring (or lately for Kim to bring him hay, so sorry!) when he and I click. When the year of just walking and giving medicine and trying to figure out what the next step is, shows. Because he is ready to work and wants to move forward. When rather than rushing ahead and questioning directions he just, listens and I give appropriate leadership.

Blind horses aren't supposed to canter, not really sure who said that or why. I wasn't sure if D and I ever would again, at least not out of our circle or for very long. I'm not sure why I thought that, maybe just trying not to get my hopes up or not admitting that for awhile I haven't really enjoyed cantering, it hadn't ended well previously.

Last night I remembered how much fun it is to just, go... to feel your horse sail smoothly underneath you and both horse and rider able to just enjoy running. I remembered what it was like to trust that he was able to carry me the distance I was asking for and that we could both relax and enjoy the freedom of his movements.

I remembered that he mirrors how I feel and while I do trust him a lot, this wouldn't work otherwise, my old fears of dropped shoulders and hurtling through the ring had to be forgotten and honestly falling off is a part of the package.
However, truly remembering to have confidence in myself (which is a struggle in and of itself) instantly impacts my horse. Relaxing into how he feels and listening to what he thinks he can do is paramount as I continue to lead him on the path as well as follow.

It's beginning to look a lot like...

I am probably the worlds worst blogger and I feel like I may have opened a post with that previously, my apologies.
D currently has an abscess (again) but he is quite amazing when it comes to soaking his foot in the bucket hardly ever taking it out.
Otherwise we have been working on cantering without me feeling like he is going to explode. This does mostly rest with me because he is doing a lovely job and doesn't look nearly as huge as he feels. We are also working on cantering in a straight line which is quite different when we've been in a circle for quite a while.
I have a lot of questions regarding D and his blindness. We recently had to put him on a weight gain supplement because regardless of how much he eats he needed some additional weight. He of course started to fill out as soon as I got it, but his body structure and stance have changed a lot.
D tilts his head to the side most of the time which is cute and makes him appear to be processing whatever amazing thing you just said but its a change.
He is bony and has weird edges but its not because he is skinny it has something to do with the way he stands. Maybe he is atrophying??
Do the blindness and his weight have a connection? Is this what happens to horses with bilateral uveitis? How does one keep a horse in motion, etc... when he only moves with you on him or working him from the ground? Many of these questions are more of just my brain processing and don't really have an answer but these are the random things I think about and not just at night. :)
I love my horse but I wish I knew more about what is happening to him...

His leg all healed up now :)

Patiently waiting for his foot to finish soaking...

Autumn is in the air

  It's the beginning of Autumn today. I love Autumn!! If I am ever blessed with a daughter this will probably be her name. I'm not sure why but I love the smells, the crunching of leaves, the need to wear sweaters, boots and scarves. Its the perfect weather to ride your horse in, the bugs are fading and its not so stifling.
  This morning it was still about 82 degrees but there is a promise of fall weather in the air. My neighbors have been burning wood for the past several days and I love walking out at O:dark thirty on my way into work and smelling the remnants of their fireplace wonder. :)
For D and I fall means more energy, less bugs and the challenge of managing my work schedule with his need for work. We no longer have the worry of riding in the dark as long as its not too cold for me. One of the silver linings of riding a blind horse.
  D has had to adjust to less rides but he is handling it well. He lets me know in quite lovely ways that he needs to run and as long as I listen and give him an avenue for getting his energy out I don't go flying through the air. If I don't listen it can get messy. Arguing with your horse is not something I recommend no matter how excellent a rider you are. It just gets silly.
  D has been getting a lot of scrapes as of late and the nasty one from the beginning of August is STILL healing but through it all he proves that his eyes can be treated all I want but he will complain about every other treatment.
  We are working over ground poles again and every so often I feel like we can do it at a canter, we shall see. Somedays he is very balanced and all things in the universe are clicking well and other times we have to walk a lot so that he can refocus and remember that balance is essential.
   Just as balance is essential for my horse, it is essential for me as well. 99.9% of the reason D can manage his energy is because as his rider I am balanced and focused and okay with whatever he delivers because honestly that's all I can ask for, right?
   Enjoy the Autumn- its beautious!!

Go Big

Demetrias will be 13 in January which means he's kinda like a 19 year old guy- at least that's how I process the way he acts :) My horse never does anything half way, if he is going to wipe out, we'll go all the way. If he spooks there will be a lot of back leg action or he'll attempt to take out a fence. And yes, he still cannot see...

This past week D took a pretty good chunk out of his right front leg (inside). We're pretty sure he did it with his left leg somehow scraping the shoe against his right leg. My horse is calm and usually willing to do whatever I ask, however if he has an injury that is not his eyes he is sort of a baby about it. We can put anything on or by his eyes, he gets that I guess, but any part if his body?? Major drama...

Here is what I have learned about my horse though- grass takes care of almost all wiggling.
No matter how injured you are good manners still must come through ( he is 1200 pounds, lets be serious).
No matter how gross the injury and how much it looks like something from Sweeney Todd, it will heal and is so not as big a deal as what we have already been through.

This summer has been busier than I anticipated but D and I have learned a lot about each other and trusting. I have asked him to work multiple times with more than 2 days off. And you know what? Most of the time he handles it just fine.

Lots of rain requires that my horse really lifts his feet and pays attention, if he doesn't we fall. Neither of us enjoy this but it teaches him quicker than my voice commands and we move on.
Whinnying constantly still makes no sense to me but rather than fussing I am figuring out how to channel his energy and in a sense distract him from whatever he finds so worthy of chatting about.

Understanding, teamwork, trust... they take time and only he and I can do it. That means that when we struggle we must figure it out but it also means that when it clicks. We have completely come together. Riding is a partnership that leaves no room for ego. D and I can go from together to an absolute mess in a matter of seconds... no idea why but I know that together he and I will figure it out. After all that's what this is supposed to be about.... right?!

LOVE this picture!!!

Second day, Saturday, now swollen

Swollen kid :(

First look, Friday morning

Sunday, puss is actually a good thing....