A month has gone by since my last post and many events have transpired however the biggest one took place just last night.
D has been back in work for a little over a year now. He had nearly a year off of real work and we spent a lot of time just wandering and getting to really know each other. Its amazing what you can do at the walk.
Last night, for the first time since his diagnosis nearly two years ago we cantered the entire ring. Both ways. Without any fits or bucking or switching to the forehand. We have NEVER done that, even when he was sighted. He cantered the full circle, both ways, more than once.
No bucking. No falling apart in the corners. No pulling to go faster. Almost perfectly balanced. We. Just. Cantered.
It was unbelievable to me and it was hard to keep from crying.
So often being D's caregiver, his eyes, his voice, etc... is the most daunting task I face including middle schoolers who sadly need someone with more skill in discipline.
I have no idea what I am supposed to do, what he needs and often I completely doubt my ability to care for him. To ride him. To keep him.
I have ridden for a long time but that doesn't mean I am accomplished or good by any means, I just have a lot of miles under my seat and the scars of flying through the air... a lot.
But there are those rare moments when your horse, who can't see a thing and randomly sheds his entire winter coat in January (another exciting event, still figuring that one out) or is bossy or won't stop whinnying when we are working in an empty ring (or lately for Kim to bring him hay, so sorry!) when he and I click. When the year of just walking and giving medicine and trying to figure out what the next step is, shows. Because he is ready to work and wants to move forward. When rather than rushing ahead and questioning directions he just, listens and I give appropriate leadership.
Blind horses aren't supposed to canter, not really sure who said that or why. I wasn't sure if D and I ever would again, at least not out of our circle or for very long. I'm not sure why I thought that, maybe just trying not to get my hopes up or not admitting that for awhile I haven't really enjoyed cantering, it hadn't ended well previously.
Last night I remembered how much fun it is to just, go... to feel your horse sail smoothly underneath you and both horse and rider able to just enjoy running. I remembered what it was like to trust that he was able to carry me the distance I was asking for and that we could both relax and enjoy the freedom of his movements.
I remembered that he mirrors how I feel and while I do trust him a lot, this wouldn't work otherwise, my old fears of dropped shoulders and hurtling through the ring had to be forgotten and honestly falling off is a part of the package.
However, truly remembering to have confidence in myself (which is a struggle in and of itself) instantly impacts my horse. Relaxing into how he feels and listening to what he thinks he can do is paramount as I continue to lead him on the path as well as follow.
