Lesson from Teo

I know, another blog post already?! Well, the other day I rode one of the Kim's horses in order to improve my outlook and just get another perspective. D and I were doing really well and then we hit a pretty rough patch which I'm glad to say was much better yesterday. But, back to Teo. Teo is a Dutch Warmblood school master that Kim has had for about 6 months or so I'd say. I always feel like I have barely enough time to work my horse let alone get on another horse, but I think I will make sure I ride a different horse in Wednesday night lessons at least once a month. 

In order to ride Teo well I had to relax my seat, loosen my reins and drive more from the legs. I also had to trust him, as is important in all riding but sometimes you forget when nothing is working. Teo and I cantered and jumped and just had fun although I'm not sure there was anything awesome to write home about my jumping, technique its been about a year since I've jumped. Teo is unbalanced and can get quick just like D. I needed the reminder that our challenges are not blind challenges but riding challenges. 

Yesterday when I got on D I relaxed my seat and loosened my reins and I reminded myself that for better or worse we are a team. He was still quick and unbalanced but he listened better and we managed to have a fairly successful ride. Yay!

In other news, he is not shedding his coat. I researched blind horses and shedding but came up with nothing but Kim read that some of it has to do with the amount of light absorbed through the eyes. D is obviously not getting any, so we shall see... 

Spring Fever

Back in February my post was all about the common place cantering D and I were doing and yes, he does still canter but we're having to go back to basics a bit as well. D has some pretty severe spring fever currently at least that's what I am going to call it. We are back to bucking and calling out which never works well with balance and I have resorted to working over poles just to get his attention. His answer to that is to get fast and pull so we do a lot more transitions.
On Tuesday D started bucking and we were too close to the bank in the dressage ring and he lost his balance and then tripped over the poles that were on the side and essentially we both fell. I have really no idea what happened or what I should have done differently. Kim, however got a front row seat, and her take away from it was that the way he went down was impressive in that its the first one since we've known he is blind and actually its only the second time he has fallen with me (the first one was over a jump). The other thing she liked was that he made it very easy for me to get off by the time he went down. To his credit once he goes down he stops and waits for direction. Too bad he didn't think of that that beforehand, huh?
So at the moment I am not loving riding D because we have gone backwards in my mind. But if I get my mind and ideas out of it I just dial it back. I work with him on transitions at the walk and we work slowly over poles and we don't go beyond a trot until he can handle it in a sensible way. I have a hard time just seeing the bad rides as just that, bad rides and he'll come back and get it together. I start freaking out that I have lost him and this is how it will be forever, which is irrational. D is a 13 year old thoroughbred and yes he is growing up and for awhile became the trusty old man. I had the audacity to say I was getting a bit "bored" because he was becoming complacent. What I meant was I wanted to try new things and wanted to be able to use his new willing, cooperativeness to grow. Instead, D has decided to get creative. He is a horse and he is young and he is dealing with a lot of things that are not normal. I have no plans to show, I have no plans as of right now to jump, so honestly, we have time. Time to re-calibrate his brain. Time to get his right lead to bend a bit better. Time to remind him that leaning on my hands is unhelpful. Time to remind him that using his hind end to create impulsion is so much more helpful than just being on the forehand. We have time right now and that is a luxury that not everyone has and so we will continue to ride... blind.

How we roll

Today in the ring Kim made the comment, "we're Bramblewood, even the blind horse canters." True! Then Rachel chimed in with, "That's just how we roll." Probably more hilarious if you were there but the events of the ring, D cantering that is, are starting to be come common place and it is so weird. My fully blind horse has been cantering for several weeks now and its just what we do now. I call it our new trick but really its not even that. D picks up his canter from a walk, most often on the right lead and gives me the most beautiful and relaxed canter ever. His consistency at the canter is quite amazing. He is calm and rhythmic and because of that I am able to guide and balance him without worrying about a rodeo scene. I have no false notions that this will never happen, he is a horse after all, but his steadiness has brought us into the common 3 gait workouts.

I have not consistently cantered a horse in nearly two years and so my body has had to adjust but it has been awesome. I am not really sure what changed but D and I have reached a really different place. He is ridden about three days a week and I am there a fourth which is not a ton for a 13 year old thoroughbred but its all I can manage with work. D has coped and flourished under our schedule and I find myself tacking my horse up and having fairly successful rides even when he has been off for 2-3 days. Its amazing!! I feel like we have scaled a super huge mountain. Most of the mountain I am sure was in my head. I have never given up on D, Kim pointed that out today and its true but I have had many moments where I have felt like what I was attempting was dumb but now I feel I've been given back my horse.

He has another cut on his leg, this time the the inside left front leg but he made it through a lot of storms without much incidence and its not as bad as what he has done in the past and his tolerance of me cleaning it has grown. I am under no delusion that we are out of the woods. And life with a blind horse is never easy. But the strides of the last few weeks have made me feel there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

So much of riding is letting go of ego and remembering that the horse you are working with is full of its own fears and deficiencies and unless you are ready to understand his and somehow fit yours with what he is able to give you, the ride is going to be one of battle rather than teamwork. I had a moment today when I saw D's leg and I got bummed because I so wanted to ride. He ended up being fine to ride but had he been lame, then the plans for the day adjust. He and I work the best together and that seems to have finally gotten into both of our heads.

We did it! We did it!!

A month has gone by since my last post and many events have transpired however the biggest one took place just last night.
D has been back in work for a little over a year now. He had nearly a year off of real work and we spent a lot of time just wandering and getting to really know each other. Its amazing what you can do at the walk.
Last night, for the first time since his diagnosis nearly two years ago we cantered the entire ring. Both ways. Without any fits or bucking or switching to the forehand. We have NEVER done that, even when he was sighted. He cantered the full circle, both ways, more than once.
No bucking. No falling apart in the corners. No pulling to go faster. Almost perfectly balanced. We. Just. Cantered.

It was unbelievable to me and it was hard to keep from crying.

So often being D's caregiver, his eyes, his voice, etc... is the most daunting task I face including middle schoolers who sadly need someone with more skill in discipline.
 I have no idea what I am supposed to do, what he needs and often I completely doubt my ability to care for him. To ride him. To keep him.

I have ridden for a long time but that doesn't mean I am accomplished or good by any means, I just have a lot of miles under my seat and the scars of flying through the air... a lot.

But there are those rare moments when your horse, who can't see a thing and randomly sheds his entire winter coat in January (another exciting event, still figuring that one out) or is bossy or won't stop whinnying when we are working in an empty ring (or lately for Kim to bring him hay, so sorry!) when he and I click. When the year of just walking and giving medicine and trying to figure out what the next step is, shows. Because he is ready to work and wants to move forward. When rather than rushing ahead and questioning directions he just, listens and I give appropriate leadership.

Blind horses aren't supposed to canter, not really sure who said that or why. I wasn't sure if D and I ever would again, at least not out of our circle or for very long. I'm not sure why I thought that, maybe just trying not to get my hopes up or not admitting that for awhile I haven't really enjoyed cantering, it hadn't ended well previously.

Last night I remembered how much fun it is to just, go... to feel your horse sail smoothly underneath you and both horse and rider able to just enjoy running. I remembered what it was like to trust that he was able to carry me the distance I was asking for and that we could both relax and enjoy the freedom of his movements.

I remembered that he mirrors how I feel and while I do trust him a lot, this wouldn't work otherwise, my old fears of dropped shoulders and hurtling through the ring had to be forgotten and honestly falling off is a part of the package.
However, truly remembering to have confidence in myself (which is a struggle in and of itself) instantly impacts my horse. Relaxing into how he feels and listening to what he thinks he can do is paramount as I continue to lead him on the path as well as follow.

It's beginning to look a lot like...

I am probably the worlds worst blogger and I feel like I may have opened a post with that previously, my apologies.
D currently has an abscess (again) but he is quite amazing when it comes to soaking his foot in the bucket hardly ever taking it out.
Otherwise we have been working on cantering without me feeling like he is going to explode. This does mostly rest with me because he is doing a lovely job and doesn't look nearly as huge as he feels. We are also working on cantering in a straight line which is quite different when we've been in a circle for quite a while.
I have a lot of questions regarding D and his blindness. We recently had to put him on a weight gain supplement because regardless of how much he eats he needed some additional weight. He of course started to fill out as soon as I got it, but his body structure and stance have changed a lot.
D tilts his head to the side most of the time which is cute and makes him appear to be processing whatever amazing thing you just said but its a change.
He is bony and has weird edges but its not because he is skinny it has something to do with the way he stands. Maybe he is atrophying??
Do the blindness and his weight have a connection? Is this what happens to horses with bilateral uveitis? How does one keep a horse in motion, etc... when he only moves with you on him or working him from the ground? Many of these questions are more of just my brain processing and don't really have an answer but these are the random things I think about and not just at night. :)
I love my horse but I wish I knew more about what is happening to him...

His leg all healed up now :)

Patiently waiting for his foot to finish soaking...

Autumn is in the air

  It's the beginning of Autumn today. I love Autumn!! If I am ever blessed with a daughter this will probably be her name. I'm not sure why but I love the smells, the crunching of leaves, the need to wear sweaters, boots and scarves. Its the perfect weather to ride your horse in, the bugs are fading and its not so stifling.
  This morning it was still about 82 degrees but there is a promise of fall weather in the air. My neighbors have been burning wood for the past several days and I love walking out at O:dark thirty on my way into work and smelling the remnants of their fireplace wonder. :)
For D and I fall means more energy, less bugs and the challenge of managing my work schedule with his need for work. We no longer have the worry of riding in the dark as long as its not too cold for me. One of the silver linings of riding a blind horse.
  D has had to adjust to less rides but he is handling it well. He lets me know in quite lovely ways that he needs to run and as long as I listen and give him an avenue for getting his energy out I don't go flying through the air. If I don't listen it can get messy. Arguing with your horse is not something I recommend no matter how excellent a rider you are. It just gets silly.
  D has been getting a lot of scrapes as of late and the nasty one from the beginning of August is STILL healing but through it all he proves that his eyes can be treated all I want but he will complain about every other treatment.
  We are working over ground poles again and every so often I feel like we can do it at a canter, we shall see. Somedays he is very balanced and all things in the universe are clicking well and other times we have to walk a lot so that he can refocus and remember that balance is essential.
   Just as balance is essential for my horse, it is essential for me as well. 99.9% of the reason D can manage his energy is because as his rider I am balanced and focused and okay with whatever he delivers because honestly that's all I can ask for, right?
   Enjoy the Autumn- its beautious!!

Go Big

Demetrias will be 13 in January which means he's kinda like a 19 year old guy- at least that's how I process the way he acts :) My horse never does anything half way, if he is going to wipe out, we'll go all the way. If he spooks there will be a lot of back leg action or he'll attempt to take out a fence. And yes, he still cannot see...

This past week D took a pretty good chunk out of his right front leg (inside). We're pretty sure he did it with his left leg somehow scraping the shoe against his right leg. My horse is calm and usually willing to do whatever I ask, however if he has an injury that is not his eyes he is sort of a baby about it. We can put anything on or by his eyes, he gets that I guess, but any part if his body?? Major drama...

Here is what I have learned about my horse though- grass takes care of almost all wiggling.
No matter how injured you are good manners still must come through ( he is 1200 pounds, lets be serious).
No matter how gross the injury and how much it looks like something from Sweeney Todd, it will heal and is so not as big a deal as what we have already been through.

This summer has been busier than I anticipated but D and I have learned a lot about each other and trusting. I have asked him to work multiple times with more than 2 days off. And you know what? Most of the time he handles it just fine.

Lots of rain requires that my horse really lifts his feet and pays attention, if he doesn't we fall. Neither of us enjoy this but it teaches him quicker than my voice commands and we move on.
Whinnying constantly still makes no sense to me but rather than fussing I am figuring out how to channel his energy and in a sense distract him from whatever he finds so worthy of chatting about.

Understanding, teamwork, trust... they take time and only he and I can do it. That means that when we struggle we must figure it out but it also means that when it clicks. We have completely come together. Riding is a partnership that leaves no room for ego. D and I can go from together to an absolute mess in a matter of seconds... no idea why but I know that together he and I will figure it out. After all that's what this is supposed to be about.... right?!

LOVE this picture!!!

Second day, Saturday, now swollen

Swollen kid :(

First look, Friday morning

Sunday, puss is actually a good thing....