It's been awhile...

I've been composing posts in my head and then never making it to my computer. School has started and so in a sense my life and freedom have ended. Not that I had a ton but anyways... :)
Demetrias has been on daily aspirin and that seems to be keeping his pain under control. His eyes don't look great, more like eyes with cataracts but he seems comfortable so I'll take the creative white designs for now.
Getting him back in shape has been a much longer process. We have started back into lessons which has been excellent mostly for my brain. Kim can see him and how he is responding and so she is able to assure me that he is fine. We still have many explosions and often his preferred method of movement is up rather than forward but this keeps me awake.:)
D has never been great at concentrating when a lot is going on and so now its even more of a challenge. My new phrase is "I never got his ears." When he is truly with me his ears are floppy and to the side to catch what I'm saying and what is happening around him. When his ears are pointed forward he looks lovely but often isn't listening. :)
I have been really blessed by the people at my barn. On many accounts my horse looks normal and seems to have nothing going on and most wouldn't notice his eyes. The people who know what has happened are so good about talking to him every time they are near which helps immensely. One of the girls rides a buckskin and D has a hard time differentiating between him and the sand. He can see her "floating" but the actual horse always surprises him. Because Coley is amazing, without my asking, she says something to Demetrias as she approaches him from behind. He is usually okay if they are coming toward us but she pretty much says something anytime they pass closely. Its these little things that help me each day.
D is my boy, I am his person and I am glad to be on this journey but sometimes the enormity of our situation overwhelms me. I am aware of everything that goes on and have to modulate my responses so he doesn't react to my body tension or movement. This is true of any rider but is amplified if your horse is tuned into you the way mine needs to be in order to work successfully. Yesterday he struggled to move forward on the left lead canter. I continued to drive forward and insist on proper forward movement so when going up didn't work he went sideways and almost fell. Would a completely sighted horse do this? Yes probably, but this whole process blows my mind.
Our ride tonight never really went anywhere because he was so off. I am his main source of exercise since he really doesn't move when turned out. This is another of my responsibilities which I am up for but somedays I just need to list them so they don't seem too many.
In short, he is doing well and I am grateful for each day we have.

Baby Steps

Demetrias and I had our first lesson last Tuesday. The first one since the end of March. Kim was kind and gave us small tasks since it has been so long. Who knew trotting a figure eight could be so exciting?! D is constantly testing my ability to ride. Not necessarily on purpose he just still likes to buck... big.
As we worked through his different spurts I couldn't help but feel elated. What we were doing was extremely simple and we weren't doing it well but, we were moving forward which was exciting. Plus jumping a ground pole like its a 3 or 4 foot jump makes the evening memorable. He loves to jump and that love hasn't gone away even though I haven't the slightest idea what he can really see.
Yesterday we had our second lesson under some crazy circumstances. We had several horses in the ring which is normally not a big deal but we also had a weed whacker going non-stop and the bugs were ferocious. D gets distracted w/other horses, period. But with everything else, it was a bit interesting.
I'm proud to report that I have ridden everything he's thrown at me but the rush of adrenaline is still overwhelming. I didn't have my horse's ears at all yesterday and for us that means that his attention was everywhere but with me. Since his vision is limited I need his focus.
However, we rode and worked through his energy but everything is in baby steps...

Rain Showers

We've been in the midst of some insane heat the last several weeks. Along with the heat and humidity came a lack of rain and so my plea became for rain. This past week we have been doused with a lot of rain. Which has helped the dryness, not so much the humidity or heat. Well, alas and alack.
I got on Demetrias today for the first time since Friday. We've been averaging about 15-20 minute rides because it is so hot and Saturday I couldn't bear to tack him up so I longed him instead. He usually has Sunday and Monday off but rain yesterday prevented a ride as well.
Its interesting because I am still learning how the rules to the game have changed. Demetrias is a young thoroughbred, well young-ish. He was kicked out of the hunt club because he passed the hunt master. :( He loves to jump and he likes to go fast and isn't always aware of all of his limbs. I, however, am not so much of a fan of that kind of jumping since sometimes he has "Pluto on ice" moments or he falls, completely, on me. Both instances we walked away from... my brain still struggles.
So, dressage became our sole focus. This was how we would get my 16.2 hand (a hand =4 inches) nearly 1200 pound boy to focus and use his body correctly.
Imagine you are an athlete, lets say a football player. You make the plays, you're fast in a word you're decent. However, you're not as good as you could be because you aren't aware of conditioning that would make you more agile, sprints that could make you faster and you haven't practiced the art of catching/ receiving in a long time. This is my example of Demetrias. He is huge, he has long legs, he likes to work (once you adequately motivate him) he has long and lovely lines plus he is an athlete who loves to jump.
However in his 10 years no one has ever taught him how to correctly move. He hasn't been taught to move onto the bit, round up his neck or his haunches or to actually curve into the way he is moving. He hasn't been taught to jump. to balance over the top and land not ready to explode and buck but ready for the next task.
Oh, my horse did well in his former career but you had to be a little crazy (sorry Tom) to really enjoy the ride... my humble opinion and most likely my football analogy is a terrible example. However, as someone who has flipped over this guys head and been underneath him on a weird jump, I may have some insight. :)
The reason I digress on this, I suppose is because chronic uveitis is often considered or called a career ending injury and in many cases it is. It isn't for me. I am a teacher. I essentially have no business owning a horse except that God is gracious and has allowed my joy to be a reality. So, were we headed for the Grand Prix or the Olympics? Absolutely not, but we were headed some place, a local show, a dressage test, I don't know and I know Kim :) that we still can but this has been a bit of a game changer. Not because we can't do it, D's eyes play a very small role in his overall function. They are important but they are not vital organs. He "sees" with his ears and his skin and his willingness to trust me to guide him.
I have a 10 year old thoroughbred gelding who I used to not get on right away after 5 days off because he would be WAY too hot and I would rather he got that energy out without me on his back. I have a horse who as soon as I sit on his back I know its going to be a bumpy ride. He sighs at me when I don't do things right and argues with me about whether or not he really needs to be on the bit. But you know what's weird? Today, he was fussing and pulling and so I drove him into my hands and used my whip fully expecting forward motion and a buck. That didn't happen, he bucked up and kicked out but did all of it in place, quickly and then moved forward the way I way I was asking. Weird.
He is spooking in place, he never used to do that.
He isn't exploding when he really absolutely would be justified in doing so.
He still gets upset and can't figure out big trucks that make crazy noise or little children but the rules of the game have changed. He isn't running.
I don't know what that means.
I haven't done all this amazing work. I haven't been able to "whisper" to him.
But I have loved him and cared for him even when I wasn't riding. He has gotten the nasty tasting medicine from me and a whole lot of carrots.
He knows that I will be there nearly every day and while I will demand good behavior I will also reward it. Does that make a difference to a horse? I'm beginning to think it really might.
So, I will continue to worry about him when I turn him out and hope that the turn out isn't too hard or scary for him. I will wait for him to drink out of the water trough and then go find his hay (in that order) and if he seems uncertain I will walk in front of him so he can follow my voice and point out his hay. Does he really need me to do that? I'm not sure yet, he hasn't told me.
Horses don't have depth perception. Mine also doesn't have the ability to differentiate or make out images on his left side. But he is brave and trusting. He knows my voice and is brave enough to venture forward because he knows that regardless of what he can do I have proven trustworthy. And so I am grateful for another day...

Conditioning= painful :)

The first week back in the saddle I rode 5 days in a row before giving him Sunday and Monday off. Now, we're averaging 98 degrees here in SC so I was staying on an average of 20 minutes but the consistency was starting to improve his movement. I still struggled w/a lot of pain which actually still hurts :( but we'll get there.

It hasn't been easy. Demetrias has always insisted I do things "correctly" meaning he doesn't give me any breaks or cooperate until I get the cues exact. This is a good thing but frustrating at the same time. He also has a short attention span and so activity in the ring is good but makes me have to be "on" even more. Despite the heat, he has a lot of impulsion and the majority of it is to go up instead of forward. :)

This past Tuesday after being back in work for now 3 weeks we started getting back to the normal walls- its uncomfortable for him to be round to the left which means I get pulled a lot. So, we have a mission. I need to sit down and drive him as well as give him a rein to move into. I think I'm explaining that right. I probably also need to let him blow off some big time energy :) I just wish he would go forward rather than up... sigh.

So thats how we're doing under saddle as for the eyes... thats a little different. I'm not entirely sure where he is on pain. I think he is in pain but he's managing. I put him back on aspirin because I feel like it can't hurt, Dr. W had recommended it before we started all the Banamine and it seems to help him a bit. So, meds are stopping which gives me some freedom on being there everyday. I love him but the 7 days a week since March unless one of my girls covers me, gets exhausting.

The next few weeks will be a trial run for how he feels and acts. NC State recommended he be completely off meds (other than aspirin) for a bit to see how the implant kicks in and how he handles it since the implant is supposed to keep the flare- ups down giving me freedom from constant medicine application and purchasing. I am still not sure how to feel with everything... I am trying quite hard to take each day as it comes, enjoying my time with him while I have it. This is much easier said than done but we are in unchartered waters and for now, we have paddles...

Beyond a walk

July 6th was another steamy day and after 5 days of longing D I decided it was time to get back on. I couldn't believe the amount of butterflies in my stomach. I have been riding for 16 years and D and I have been together for a year and I've fallen off of him countless times. I don't bounce so well anymore :) but the tension in my stomach was still there. I'd like to say it stayed there but I'm not certain he is quite perceptive.

Our first ride after 3 months of just walking if riding at all was... painful, for both of us. Despite getting out and walking around a bit and night turn out Demetrias' hocks were unbelievably stiff and my pain of course would come later- I have never been so aware of my seat bones before in my life!

Anyways, despite the massive bumpy and jerkiness of his gate we persevered in the 90 plus degree weather and worked at the walk and trot. He eventually started to feel a bit smoother but it was still quite bumpy.

D is a thoroughbred so I've never had the flowy gaited feeling but, he usually is quite smooth so this was a new experience.

Eventually his neck started to relax and I felt the tension start to leave. He did a pretty great job of focusing on me and my directions even with the activity in the ring- he's always been rather social. :) I was glad that Kim and Erika were both in the ring so they could reassure me that even though he felt awful all was well and to keep working him at the trot.

We have a few new challenges now- when riding on the right rein D cannot see to the outside since his left eye is the one essentially gone. This means that he drifts, a lot, so my legs were working extra hard to keep him bent around my inside leg and on the bit, as well as creating the outside line barrier. In theory, we do this anyways, but when your horse is second guessing you on what edge he should follow it gets a little tricky.

I have mostly been out of the saddle since April too so along with the extreme heat I was getting tired, quickly. However, I was thrilled to be on my horse working and in many ways, this was when my heart finally started to calm. We have a ton of challenges but I really needed to be on him to start "seeing" that he was still capable, for now. I don't have a picture of us riding but I do have this one, its one of my favorites and I took it shortly after buying him over a year ago.

A different kind of waiting

Demetrias came home on the 13th of June and I headed to Chicago on the 16th for a teaching conference. By this time D was down to less dosages of all 3 meds and would be in good hands with the girls. I wasn't thrilled about leaving him but relieved to be leaving him at home and not at NC State. He was, of course fine and I returned home for a few days before I left again, this time headed to Ohio.

I was told to give him about a month off from riding and so all of my traveling happened at a good time since I wasn't going to be home consistently. So, I continued hanging out to give him medicine and in the mean time re-painted the poles for the ring-I wanted him to be able to see the contrast even if all we do for the next few months is ground poles.

I'm not really sure what all is in store for D and I. We'll probably continue to do more dressage than anything else for now.

So, we fell into a routine of medication, grazing and night turn out. Despite the amount of time off and the fact that he was still eating, pardon the expression, like a horse he had not put on a huge amount of weight. Don't get me wrong, he weighs 1180 pounds. What I mean is he hadn't gotten overly fat which I was grateful for but I realized the trip to NC State stressed him out more than I had figured. He's fine and ultimately not having to worry about that as we get him back into condition is a good thing. July was the time we would begin riding again. I was excited and freaked out all at the same time.

June 12, 2010

Saturday morning started the same as Friday however with a new student whose name I cannot remember. D had made it through the night uneventfully and was ready to go home. We opted to leave on Sunday morning since that gave him one more day to re-coup and be observed and that was the easiest time for Roger to come back and get us.

Christa came to meet my boy who was great but obviously stressed since a lot of grass went uneaten when we went outside. Overall, he was doing well but I was anxious to get him home.

You are only allowed to stay for one hour and so after fussing with his for awhile and talking to Dr. G about what he would need at home. Christa and I headed out for a day of sprucing up her porch. :)

Coming home D would need to stay on the same 4 medicines but the dosages would rapidly decrease bringing him down to just neo-poly-dex 2x a day and atropine once a day for the rest of June and the beginning of July.

I had a lot of traveling coming up so I was grateful that his medicine regiment would decrease quickly since I was relying on my friends to take care of him and even though I knew they were willing I felt bad that he needed so much.

Sunday, June 13- D walked out of his stall, shipping boots and all w/a purpose. He loaded on his second inspection and stood on the trailer so quietly. He was SO ready to go home. I was extremely grateful but also really ready to get him home. We came home to a decorated stall- thanks girls and I was never so thrilled to put him into his own stall.

Now, to recovery...